PNM // potential new member (in recruitment)
I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't give you somewhat of an "inside scoop" of what goes on during the recruitment experience. You've probably done all of the research on information about what to wear and when and you've probably memorized the schedule (and if you haven't, don't fret-there's an orientation for that). What you may not know is the emotional + spiritual aspect of what goes on during rush: what goes on in your heart + mind. So here's me being honest and telling you what I wish I knew during my recruitment season and what I now know looking back from all angles.
1. Don't only look at the product.
Many times we see someone's product and want that. But, you're only seeing the product.
We see the Instagram of them running to their sisters, or the posed picture of your fellow PNMs smiling before they head to their next round, or the hundreds of posts post-bid day of why their sisters are the best.
But you don't see the process.
You don't see the sleepless nights of waiting to get the schedule for the next day so you can cry about not getting ABC back and not wanting to go to the XYZ house. You don't see the high heart rates behind the eager smiles in the pictures before rounds waiting to have scored conversations. You don't see the inevitable tension between the sisters behind the curtains/doors before you walk in to the round because they want to look their best + fun.
But the best way to get the product YOU want is to not look at anyone else's process except your own. Make your process yours and you'll get the product that's most true to yourself.
2. "Comparison is the thief of joy."
You may walk out of a round glowing because you had the best conversation and in 20 seconds your experience is destroyed because you happened to hear two other girls talking about how rough it was for them. Hold on to what you love. There's a reason you love it, it's called instinct not happenstance.
Also, you're good enough. You're a rockstar with or without a bid. Fortunately, we have a God that's way more powerful than us humans so who's opinion means more?
3. Relationship + Performance
There are few people that look forward to checking their grades. But most people love checking on their friends. Why? Because we love and thrive on relationships over performance. If you walk out of a round and feel as if the whole time you were pulling out your best tricks trying to impress, you're performing.
If you walk out of a round wanting to talk more because you were interested and felt comfortable, that's a relationship. Rush can be hard and there's plenty of room for self-doubt and not having others believe the same thing about you as you do for yourself is normal. How could they have possibly known all of you in a 2-5 minute conversation anyways?
4. Expect a show, not reality
Let's be realistic. Rush/recruitment is an opportunity where everyone puts on their own best show. So when the curtains fall, the house quiets down, the makeup comes off and real life happens, where do you want to be? Girls are dying to get you to like them and you're dying to get girls to like you. It's a season that's asking for identities to be ROCKED. So be confident and stand firm.
Ask yourself, if my shoe were to break and I had to go in barefoot, if my dress were to rip, if you cried all your makeup off in between rounds and now you have a mascara watercolor masterpiece on your face, which house would you feel most welcomed into. Which chapter would you feel less pressure to care? Those are the sisters, not the judges.
5. Service in sisterhood
Something you'll hear a lot in rounds: "service." Serving others and your community is a huge value for sisterhoods. But it goes for the chapter itself. If the chapter doesn't serve each other well, how can it be successful in the outside world? And more importantly, if you don't serve yourself well and take care of you, how can you serve your chapter?
It's not about what you can get from your sisterhood, it's about what you have to offer. If you look at it from a perspective of what do they have for me? What are the benefits to being in ABC over XYZ? You'll be left disappointed and the attitude will effect others. But, having a perspective of service can unite your sisters and there's an opportunity for true family.
Before you step outside your dorm, after you slipped on your shoes, applied deodorant and a couple spritz of perfume look in the mirror and affirm yourself:
I am bold
I am beautiful
I have something to offer
I don't have to strive for love. I am loved + wanted regardless of what people say or think.